Inconvenient Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuQFFCI1h34

I love this song. It’s funny and a little far fetched, but it’s also a reminder that even when this potentially stressful time of year comes around, we can just relax and remember what’s really important. How often do we really “have it bad?” Honestly, very rarely. I’m not saying that we don’t have our frustrations—in fact, I did write a new verse to this song that reflected our family’s mishaps! However (as this song reminded me on my most frustrating day this season), we can get through and over the road bumps in life and remember the incredible trouble that Jesus and his family went through in order to give us the ultimate Christmas gift—hope of eternal life.  Don’t let the business and stress of the season distract you from the precious core of this holiday.

Among the bills that I received was a postcard marked, "Apology,

the Christmas gifts you ordered aren't in stock."

So I packed up the kids for grandpa's house,

then a blizzard blew in and the car broke down.

So, we shared a quart of eggnog at a truck stop.

And I said, "Now kids, this is unfortunate,

you think it's bad, well it's inconvenient.

But the most inconvenient Christmas ever was,

was the first one, when God came so far to give himself to us.

So when the stress hits each December

how it helps me to remember

God is with us most when things just can't get worse.

Ah, the most inconvenient Christmas ever was, was the first.

By the time we got to Grandpa's house

his Christmas lights had burned it down.

So we had to take him home to live with us.

But he couldn't stand to leave the farm, so now there's cattle in our yard,

sheep on the rug, pigs in the tub, and a rooster at dawn.

I said, "Now honey, this is unfortunate,

you think it's bad, well it's inconvenient.

But the most inconvenient Christmas ever was,

was the first one when God came so far to give himself to us.

So when the stress hits each December

how it helps me to remember

God is with us most when things just can't get worse.

Ah, the most inconvenient Christmas ever was, was the first.

A young girl expects a child she can't explain;

forced to walk a hundred miles just to give birth in the hay.

While the king in that same hour,

fearing challenge to his power,

sent his troops to track him down and wipe him out.

Hands down,

the most inconvenient Christmas ever was,

was the first one when God came so far to give himself to us.

So when the stress hits each December

how it helps me to remember

God is with us most when things just can't get worse.

Ah, the most inconvenient Christmas ever was, was the first.

7-17-10 "Miss Bush? I Do!"

3-4-10 "Please Peel Your Vocab Words Off the Tub

  ...Is probably not something that you ever expected to hear your mother tell you. But it may become a regular phrase in your house with this new study technique! This is a perfect study idea, especially for long-haired girls. It sounds completely wacky and kind of strange, but it works very well. Have you ever wished that taking a shower did not seem like a total waste of time? Well, notw, instead of singing off-tune oldies, you can study in the shower. That's right- IN the SHOWER!  And all for less than a quarter! All you have to do is slip whatever you are trying to study into a zip-loc bag, close it tightly, hold it under the water, and stick it to the shower wall. Now, for you girls who have 32-inch locks that take at least a half hour to wash (trust me- I know how frusterating this is!), you have another half hour to study. Thanks to my friend who gave me this tip!

2-18-10 "well...I never heard of that happening before..."

   There’s always something fascinating going on at my house. Last week, my sister and I began a shrimp farm in our fish tank. A few years ago, a pet frog got loose in the dining room- we never did find it. A while back, we raised snails and tadpoles in my dad’s office. Last month, our freezer quit and my mom, my sister and I spent the afternoon making two weeks worth of meatloaf, spaghetti, and chicken meals from all of the meat. We didn’t have to make any new dinners for a while! Last year, I painted a gigantic mural on the bathroom wall during the commercials of a TV special on the Phoenix Lander. Once, a hive of bees decided to make its home in our tree and everyone rushed inside the house to avoid the swarm- everyone except our guinea pig. This morning, a CD-Rom exploded in the computer’s disk drive! I had never heard of that happening before. Unfortunately, the CD was a $65 Apologia Biology digital textbook CD- ouch! My sister and I were both in the computer room when the heard a gigantic cracking noise come from the computer. We were afraid that the actual computer had crashed, but I opened up the drive, we saw shards of the CD were wedged in every possible position. So, I spent a few minutes picking out most the shards with tweezers. I also tried to vacuum out the pieces that were stuck far back in the drive cavity. As you might expect, that did not work at all.

     We looked online to discover if this was a common occurrence. Apparently, one out of every ten thousand CDs explodes in the drive. Sometimes bits of compact disk shrapnel go flying all over the room! Luckily, all enemy ammunition stayed inside our drive cavity.

     Sooo… if anyone has any advice on how to remove bits of CD from deep within the bowels of a computer, let me know!

     Oh, by the way, you will be pleased to hear that we were able to find an inexpensive washing machine to replace our deceased one. Thank you, God!

12-22-09 "four...eggs...molasses..."

Today we made gingerbread cookies. In the past we have always made our gingerbread men look like the traditional type:

 But with the exception of this Venerable Gentleman, and select Friends, this year we were far more creative. Thus, Kevin from Home Alone:

 

And the snorkler:

A guy listening to an iPod

This one got a little messed up when I tried to put him on the cookie sheet, and he looks like he may have been run over by a tractor or a bike or something.

These ones could either be high-fiving or dancing.

This is what you do if you accidently amputate a limb while moving from cookie cutter to cookie sheet: make it look like it was on purpose.

 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this deviation from the normal kind of entries I post here, which tend to have a bit more substance to them. I tried to find some sort of Biblical lesson that can be gathered from decorating cookies, but unfortuanately gingerbread was not invented until after 100 AD. So I will leave you with a small anecdote: Use your God-given creativity for God's glory! Decorate your cookies, and spread joy by giving them to a neighbor, a friend, or someone that needs a bit of Christmas cheer.

7-29-09 "Don the mourning clothes"

     There has been a death in the family. My beloved pet, Spike, has died.. My mom never liked Spike. She insisted that he was not a pet. She referred to him as a “Science–project-that-must-remain-out-of-sight-in-a-cage-in-the-garage-with-a-lid-and-I-can’t-believe-I-pay-to-feed-this-thing.” Poor Spike. Somehow, I don’t feel much sadness. Actually, the worst thing about this death is the fact that I will no longer get to brag to people that I have a pet scorpion.

    

     Spike was a species that is known to the scientific world as “Hadrurus Arizonensis.” To the more plebian type, he is known as the giant hairy desert scorpion. As is evidenced by his name, Spike had hair. It was mostly around his knees. He was yellowish with a dark brown back. He had an evil looking stinger that was red. The curved barb was horrible enough to give me occasional nightmares. If I shook his cage around a little, Spike would curve his back, arch his tail, and come up a little on his back legs. It was cool to watch him run around like that. I never got to see him attack and eat anything, but I bet it would have been cool to watch. Maybe a little PG-13, but still very cool. Oddly enough, the larger a scorpion is, the less poisonous its sting is. Unless you are allergic, the sting of a giant hairy desert scorpion is relatively harmless. I wanted to hold Spike, but my dad wouldn’t let me(Oh darn). I tend to be slightly allergic to bug bites. If you pick up a scorpion by its tail, it cannot sting you. However, a scorpion this size has a couple of nasty pinchers. Although this species can grow to a much larger size, Spike was only about three inches long from the tip of his stinger to his claws when stretched out.

 

     Good bye, Spike. I am so sorry that I killed you by over watering your cage. I know you can die from dampness. Your bedding should have been sand. Rest in peace. I shall replace you soon with Spike II.

 

6-7-09 "can you avoid breaking the landspeed record?"

      A few weeks ago, my mom told me about the time she almost broke the current land speed record.

          On her bike.

                When she was seven.

     My mom had just learned to ride a bike and she thought it would be pretty sweet to ride as fast as she possibly could down a hill. She backed way up and began to pedal furiously. When she got to the crest of the hill, she was going just about as fast as she possibly could on an old, sibling-worn bike. She tipped over the side of the hill and gained speed and she flew down the hill- right into a barbed wire fence.

     About half way down the hill, my mom had realized that the fence was right in her path. Her mind told her to brake. Her hands would not obey. She forgot how the brakes worked and where they were located. Two seconds before the bloody collision, she let go of the handle bars.

CRASH!!!

The moral? Look before you leap. Something may look really cool- like flying down a hill on your brother's old bike- but there might be a barbed wire fence at the bottom. Don't jump into something before looking into it first. You could end up commited to something you hate. You could end up with your emotional bike tires punctured and your feellings all torn up. I have got my self into some sticky situations before. Trust me, it's hard to go through with something you don't want to do, but it's harder to pull out when everyone's depending on you (not to mention it's just plain rude).

     One way I could have avoided being stuck between a rock and a hard place was to listen to my dad. I have to admit: He's ALWAYS right when it comes to making commitments (and pretty much everything else). He tells me not to overfill my schedule, but do I listen to him? No. (Oh, Daddy, I can take this class AND be in that performance; no problem!) And I always wish I had.

     Another way is to pray about what I should do. You may be thinking, "Oh, right. Like God cares which sport I choose. Besides, it's my life." But God will lead you if you ask for his guidance. And when you're following his lead, you'll never find youself flying down a hill at a million miles an hour headed towards a barbed wire fence.

5-11-09 "thomas, james, and gregor the giant beetle"

This is a conversation overheard two weeks ago in a room full of energetic four-year-olds: A few kids are talking about their younger siblings. The teacher asks Matthew, "You have a brother, too, don't you? Do you have a Thomas?"

"Yes, I have a Thomas," replies Matthew. His little brother Thomas is a few months old.

"Oh," says John, "I have a James. He's a lot of fun during the day, but he gets kinda tired at nght time. So we have to recharge his batteries and then I can play with him in the morning."

Bewildered at this strange speech, the teacher directs her attention to Victoria, who is proudly proclaiming that she, too, has a James.  Elizabeth says her brother has a James, but her train is a Thomas the Tank Engine.

Four-year-olds are adorable.

I despise  The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. If you have ever read it, I think you will agree that it is altogether terrible. At the end I thought, "Oh, that was a horrible chapter. I can't wait to see how they fix this mess in the next chapter." Bu when I turned the page, I found.... notes, notes and more notes. One hundred fifty pages of notes. It is such an overanalyzed book. Perhaps becasue it is so bizzare.

     To quote the author, from a journal entry a few years before the book's publication, "I am now reading The Metamorphosis at home and find it bad." I quite agree. As with so many books: terrible story; fabulous style.